Matching With a Mentee
Aligning Individual Needs With Mentor Capacity
Individuality is a key aspect of humanity, but it is often forgotten in mentorship. I remember being a mentor of two mentees at the same time who were completely different in their approach to learning a new technique. One was eager to unravel the mysteries of a new protocol by themself, while the other was completely nervous about the unknown. As a mentor, I could not use the same strategy for both of them; my strategy needed to be personalized for each.
For the independent mentee, I simply let them know that I was around in case they needed me. At one moment or another, they did have questions, and we troubleshooted together. The experiment was successful, and the mentee felt encouraged and supported.
For the other mentee, we made a plan to work through the protocol together during their first time running it. We first read the protocol together, highlighted important steps, did our prep work, and ran the first experiment. During the second time, I asked if they felt comfortable running the experiment on their own. They were still a bit nervous, but I made myself available nearby. They ran the protocol flawlessly and also felt encouraged and supported.
This is just an example, but I have seen mentees feel extremely supported when their mentors reviewed presentations, or when they were just present in the room during their mentee’s talk. On the other hand, I have also seen those who needed their mentors, but due to poor matching and/or lack of communication, the mentee felt ghosted or mentors felt overwhelmed with the amount of support their mentees needed.
That is why it is important to recognize the individuality of mentors and mentees. Not all mentors will be able to guide every type of mentee. Variations can happen in mentorship style, knowledge, technical and soft skills, and, importantly, how much time they can dedicate for their mentee and the mentorship. We are not all the same. Recognizing that is the first step to be open to different types of mentees, avoiding comparisons, and understanding that each individual has a different background, perspective, goals and traits.
With this first step, a mentor can better prepare for matching with a most suitable mentee and have increased chances of success in their mentorship. In the cases I shared above, I did not have the opportunity to find my match. My work as a mentor was to find ways to adapt my mentorship style to the mentees that were matched with me indirectly. The main focus of this post is for those mentors who have not been matched yet with their mentees. In Voyage Prep, we are doing our homework in preparing for a mentoring experience.
So let’s map the last couple of elements that can help navigate that first conversation with a potential mentee.
Different Learning Styles
In the previous “Mapping Your North Star”, we suggested that mentees identify their learning styles using frameworks like the VARK (Visual, Auditory, Read/Write, Kinesthetic) model proposed by Neil Flemming. Just as mentees should understand their own learning styles, a mentor should be aware that some people learn differently. Some prefer direct instruction, others learn best through stories or examples, and some need to process things through discussion.
A mentor must also take the time to think about their best style of guidance or teaching. For example, if you are not a strong verbal communicator or are shy about talking a lot, a mentee who is primarily an auditory learner may not be the best match. As a mentor, you should be aware of your mentee’s needs as well as your own abilities to effectively mentor.
So, when meeting a potential mentee for the first time, make sure to ask:
💡What is your preferred learning style?
Based on their answer, be clear and transparent with them. If their needs highlight a significant weakness in your natural style, be honest about it. You might say: “I tend to rely heavily on email and written feedback, so we will need to work together to add those verbal check-ins you prefer. Is that ok with you?”
This does not mean you are necessarily a poor match, but it signals the need to proactively navigate the best approach for learning and teaching. For example, a visual learner would be extremely happy to have a whiteboard to draw diagrams and design maps about their thoughts. This can be something inexpensive to purchase prior to starting a mentorship, ensuring you and your mentee are ready to navigate the this work relationship with the right gear.
Varying Levels of Experience
Besides the mentee’s learning style, you must be aware of their level of experience. This is another major factor in determining the required time commitment and right mentoring strategy.
For the career beginner: if your potential mentee is early in their journey, they will rely heavily on the foundational pieces of the field. As a mentor, you will be providing the anchor and the hull for this mentee’s career (i.e. the essential structure that keeps the ship steady and afloat). This mentorship scenario demands substantial time, patience, and a strong, structured plan. Lacking clarity or skipping the basics can compromise the mentee’s abilities for a significant amount of time or, even worse, completely deplete their excitement for their dream career.
For the experienced professional: On the other hand, a mentor working with a more experienced mentee will offer different types of guidance. This usually involves fine-tuning existing skills, providing advice on career navigation, or guiding through advanced skillsets. In this scenario, spending time teaching the basics may sound boring or irrelevant to the mentee, potentially delaying their growth and the achievement of their main goals.
As a mentor, you need to gauge how much time you have available for each case, but also if you are interested in guiding someone from the very beginning or having someone more advanced.
💡The key takeaway is: be ready to adjust your guidance accordingly. For your homework, think if your current capacity and interests align with the needs of a beginner (i.e. high-time investment) or an expert (i.e. specialized, less frequent, advice).
Diverse Mentee Goals
The last, and perhaps most important, element of your matching preparation is being ready to align on goals and expectations during that first conversation. This is where you meet at the harbor, with the gear around you, finalize the checklist and identify the destination and the course in the map of mentorship. This ensures that both the mentor and the mentee are navigating toward the same port.
Mentees can come with a wide range of goals:
Develop a specific skill: “At the end of my PhD, I want to have the skills to open a startup”
Broaden career exploration: “I want to pivot from eco-friendly sails to radar specialist”
Personal growth: “I want to improve my confidence in oral presentations”
As a mentor, you must be prepared to help them clarify and refine their goals. Often a mentee’s initial goal is too vague (except if they have read our previous posts here at Mentor-Ship). Your role is to help them translate their aspirations into SMART goals (read more here) that fit the scope and duration of your mentorship.
Besides the topics above, here is a list of items you can add to talk about in your first meeting:
The “Why” and “What”: What specific, short-term goal do they want to achieve with you in the next three months? Be prepared to gently polish the goal if it is too ambitious for your capacity or the length of the mentorship program.
The Role: Define your respective roles. For example, clarify that the mentee is responsible for setting meeting agendas, coming with questions, learning and doing the work you define as actionable steps. While you, as a mentor, are responsible to make sure the mentee is still moving towards the final goal, helping your mentee with their needs and addressing unforeseen circumstances.
Communication Protocols: Establish the communication logistics you determined in your self-assessment and align it with your mentee. (e.g., “I will respond to emails within 48 hours, and we meet every other Tuesday. I never expect an immediate answer from you. So, if you receive an email outside work hours, you can reply within 48 hours too. If there is anything urgent, we will use a specific channel, such as a quick message on a specific chat app”)
Feedback Style: Discuss how they like to receive feedback: direct and immediate, or reflective and written? The idea here is to minimize defensive reactions and maximize learning.
Confidentiality and Boundaries: Establish what topics are appropriate and ensure they feel safe sharing their challenges.
By openly discussing and mutually agreeing upon these goals and boundaries, you eliminate the confusion that leads to mentors feeling overwhelmed or mentees feeling ghosted. Matching is about finding that balance where their individual needs meet your individual capacity.
The sun is setting at the harbor. The gear, you (the captain) and the skipper (the mentee) are onboard. The anchor has been lifted, and the starboard is directed to the destination you both decided to set sail.
⛵️Mentor-Ship is here for whatever you need, and I wish you Bon Voyage!
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